To Show You My Love
by Praevarus
Summary: One night during his stay at Grimmauld Place, Harry sneaks into Sirius' bedroom. M for a reason. Warnings inside. HPSB slash.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Harry Potter universe or any of the characters in it.

**Warnings:** Sexual situations involving two males, including a minor. Please take this seriously, it's not two seventeen year olds shagging each other's brains out, this is a barely fifteen year old boy with an older man. Thank you.

**A/N: **Yes. So. A Harry/Sirius one. Please let me know what you think. Reviews are much appreciated and always responded to (unless they are exceptionally rude).

**To Show you My Love**

When I sneak up the stairs to your bedroom, it's like my feet are carrying me there without my permission. I know I'm about to do something utterly stupid, but I've been lying awake at night ever since we've been sleeping in the same house, contemplating this moment. I never believed it would actually come.

But now I'm touching the handle on the door to your bedroom, and I let out one last shaky sigh before going in. Even now that I'm so close, I still can't believe what I'm about to do. It still feels like a surreal fantasy, like even when I'll finally be held by you, in a different way than the hugs we've shared before, I still won't have the courage to treat you like anything but family.

I tiptoe into your room and close the door behind me. I don't want to wake you, not yet. But while I'm not wearing my glasses, I can see a vague hint of movement in the darkness. "Who's there?" You mutter, half asleep still.

I didn't know you are a light sleeper. There are so many things I don't know about you yet, Sirius. For so many years they kept you away from me, and now I finally have the chance to get to know you. Talking to you hasn't been enough. I've never been good with words. "It's me," I say quietly, afraid that a tremble in my voice might give away my intentions. You sigh, seemingly in relief.

"What is it?"

"Nightmares." I know you don't believe me. I might be having nightmares, but you don't believe that I need you because of them. You know as well as I do that I've been having nightmares all my life, and I've always dealt with them on my own.

"Could I..." I don't finish my sentence. I hear you move in the bed, silently inviting me. You haven't raised any children, and for a moment the mutual understanding between us surprises me. But then I realize this isn't an understanding between father and son. It's an agreement of a completely different kind, and it tells me that what I've been waiting for is going to be happen tonight.

I climb into your bed and move closer to you, feeling your skin press against mine as I settle against you. You're not wearing much more than I am, and I'm glad. It will just make things easier. Things won't go slowly enough for you to stop me, thinking you're making a mistake. Then again, I'm not sure I'd even let you if you tried.

"Sirius?" I whisper, afraid you've fallen asleep again.

"Hmm?"

I hesitate. "When...when did you lose your virginity?" I didn't plan this conversation, but I suddenly find myself wanting to know. I need to know what that experience was like for you, now that I'm about to share mine with you, in the most intimate way.

There is a moment of silence. When you speak, you sound somewhat surprised. "I...Do you really want to know?" I'm so glad you don't ask why. We both know it, but neither of us can say it. Not yet.

"Yes."

"Alright." You sigh. "I was sixteen. With some seventh year Ravenclaw." You don't go into too much detail. You don't even specify whether this person was male or female. You know, perhaps from your own experiences, that teenagers don't like to hear the details of their parental figures' sex lives. But I don't mind. I want to know everything there is to learn about you.

"Sirius..." I touch your bare leg with mine, pretending it's an accident, pretending not to notice. I lean in, trying to resist for one more moment, but I can't. My lips touch yours. Despite being so sure earlier, I panic when I kiss you, thinking you're going to pull away.

But you don't. After a moment's hesitation, you pull me closer and deepen the kiss. I wrap my legs around your body, wanting to be so close it's like I'm trying to crawl into you, into your soul. I kiss you with every ounce of passion I have inside of me. Our tongues collide, tease and explore.

I need more.

I know I'm growing hard against you, but I have no shame because I know you are, too. I can feel it pressing into my thigh, and the realization that I've aroused you this much by just kissing you leaves me breathless.

I dread the moment our lips will part, because I'm afraid of what you'll say to me, but when your lips leave mine they start to kiss my neck, and I moan when your hands roam my body. I know most people my age would be insecure about their bodies, but even though you're older and more experienced, I can't bring myself to feel ashamed. Because it's you, and you're the only person I could ever do this with. I trust you and I'm comfortable with you.

Yet, my hands are shaking in anticipation when I reach for your cock. It's hard and thick in my hand, and I tentatively touch it like I would touch myself. I claim your lips again when you moan in surprise. Do you still not know why I came here tonight, Sirius? "Please," I whisper. My inhibitions and doubts are gone. The darkness is making this all seem like a dream, like there will be no regrets in the morning. "Do it."

I remove the only piece of clothing I'm still wearing and you lie on top of me, between my spread legs. You grab something off the night stand, and my questions are answered when I feel a slick finger entering me. Even that single finger feels big inside me. When you enter another and start to stretch me, I wonder how much it's going to hurt, as it hurts already.

When you're done preparing me and I feel you slowly push inside, I remind myself that I've known worse pain, both mental and physical. I can handle it. I need to. How else would I show you how much I need you?

It feels like your cock is much too big to fit into my skinny, barely fifteen year old body. But then it's all the way in, and I bite my lip. The pain is far worse than I expected, and tears start to spill down my cheeks.

You stay still, buried deep inside of me. While it's impossible that you can see my tears in the darkness, you reach out and brush some of my tears away with your thumb. By now I don't know whether I'm crying in pain or happiness.

I finally tell you to move, because I know the pain won't get any better, and you comply. I can tell that you are trying to be careful, but eventually you can't stop from thrusting into me hard and fast. It hurts, but it's okay.

The pain never goes away, and when you finally come inside me I know I haven't found any physical release. But emotionally, I'm floating.

I wrap my arms and legs around you. You feel heavy on top of me, but I don't want you to slip out of me. I want to keep you inside of me forever.

I can feel that you are starting to fall asleep. "Do you love me, Sirius?" I ask.

"Of course I do, Ja-" I cut you off with a kiss. In your half asleep state, you have just confirmed that Mrs. Weasley and the rest are right. You do see me as my father. And that is likely the reason why you took my virginity tonight. The others don't know that you were in love with my father once.

But it's okay. I don't care if you love me for who I am or because I remind you of someone you could never have. As long as you love me.


End file.
